New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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