Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
