i just had sex bonerless
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
