mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
