i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
