One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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