look no pants
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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