Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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