I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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