He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
