I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
