Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
