So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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