So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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