Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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