I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize