I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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