make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
