If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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