remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
