You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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