There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize