If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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