Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
