I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
