Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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