I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
