If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
