ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize