Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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