Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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