We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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