i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
