Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
