you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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