Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
