this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm at about main and main street
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
