last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
