i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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