dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
