Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
