ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
