I just saw a hot homeless man
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
