I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
