yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
