Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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