I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
