don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
