My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
