at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
