found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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