remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Randomize
