I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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