You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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