Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
