are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize