Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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