That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize