but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
