My balls are so social today.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
