my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
