1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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