Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
