She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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