Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
