YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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