i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
