he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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