please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
