Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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