i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize